Vocabulary Words from Hell, Jr.

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For reference or utter insanity, see Aneyi's Vocab from Hell, Sr.

"He's an Englishman, he's a vacuum cleaner, and he keeps disappearing." ... "I can't believe you remembered that zip code, as drunk as I am." ... "Let's do paper rock scissors and you're wine and I'm beer." ... "I got crap all over my thing, so I'm leaving it. My little piece of stuff. My what." ... "Hey! Get off my beard! Don't pivot on the cornflake!" ... "It needs a face. Boink, boink, shoomp." ... "I just fell out of your pants." ... "Gummi bears. There's been an incident." ... "Oh, look! It folds up into a thing! And you can put it!" ... "You can't just float around in outer space chasing after a potential ice cream cone."... "Maybe they're on a however-many-day-long-it's-been-since-you've-heard-from-them spiritual journey." ... "Because 14 weeks is only seven times as much as twice as much as one week." ... "You could tell them you were dyslexic and you thought it was a yag bar." ..."For a shitty day, it's been a damn good day." ... "Whatever. My story ran out." ...

Sarah: "If I know there's one thing you wouldn't do on purpose, it's have children!"
Tracy: "Especially not live snakes!"
~~Is that something you can have by accident?

~~Sarah writes the word 'within'.

"You didn't follow my train of thing!"
~~Ardith calls the kettle black.

"I would have a heart attack, and then I would burst into flames."
~~Tracy describes the consequences of fright.

"Let's face reality. Surple's not going to call."
~~Whit might be facing the wrong direction.

"Why is there a truck? Oh, it's a truck. I thought it was a firetruck."
~~And the question still stands: Why is there a truck?

"...and right then, the phone rang, and, you know, post hoc ergo propter hoc, I thought it was the hot dog!"
~~And how would you go about answering it?

"My soul's ass is hung over!"
~~Sarah gets spiritual again.

"I hate that fucker."
~~Heather describes her relationship with the Lord.

"That's a weird place to get bent."
~~Heather is, perhaps, overly critical.

"From now on, we went to Lake Vesuvius."
~~Ask us no questions and we'll tell you no false accounts of Lake Vesuvius.

"This is food! I'm trying to sip it, and it's food!"
~~Heather fails dinner.

"It runs in the family to have a gay sister."

"Oh, I left all the groceries in the trunk.
And not only that, but some of them are time-sensitive."
~~Reply by when?

"My uterus is just dicking around with me."

"What is it with me and people with French national symbols on their shoulders?"
~~Heather gets arrested in Paris again.

"It can bite me. I'm still eating it."
~~Sarah abruptly gives up vegetarianism.

"Courage is a hot dog with puzzle feet."
~~Darcy's feeling brave.

"I'm all stiff and sore from -- let's say biking. It's less humiliating
than tripping over a training wheel and taking a header."
~~Sarah bikes.

"It sounds easy, but when you really go out in the world to get hold of a slat ..."
~~Heather gives up on fixing the bed.

"Let's do paper rock scissors and you're wine and I'm beer."
~~Max is a problem solver.

"I'd love to go whore around with you and Mollie for a few days, but it would just be such a HUGE WASTE OF TIME!"
~~Sarah ends friendships.

Heather: "You could put the whole thing in frames and add a scrollbar."
Sarah: "Yeah. That's stupid."
~~Sarah ends sisterships.

"I think it's that your breasts are small and your ribs are prominent."
~~Sarah is now all alone.

"Well, you don't have clothes, but I guess if you wanna consider that financially secure, okay."
~~Darcy counsels.

"I would not go out with somebody just so I could be with the person I really loved!"
~~Geez, who would?

"You can't just kill it while it's alive!"
~~There's a reason Darcy doesn't hunt.

"If I had to meet Foghorn Leghorn in a dark alley,
there'd be feathers on the ground!"
~~Then again, maybe she'd be good at hunting.

"I know I dialed that number a minute ago and some pregnant kid answered the phone."
~~What number did you dial?

"I've been trying to expand my orange."
~~Darcy dabbles in bioengineering.

"Gwen, you're going to get me killed. Or maybe my own brain decisions
are going to get me killed. Either way, I thought we were a team!"
~~Darcy's Ford fails her. Or maybe Darcy fails her Ford.

"I was wearing tampons before I was a virgin."

"You've got less than a few hours than me."
~~Darcy ... um ... accuses?

"I don't know what determines my opinion."
~~Maybe her own brain decisions determine her opinion.

"You can't just float around in outer space chasing after a potential ice cream cone."
~~Darcy dishes relationship advice.

"Big honking molster."
~~Sarah makes an insult.

"You would procrastinate on a heart attack until you just never died."
~~I was going to caption this, but I can always do it later.

"They're making it even more complicated to get to the fucking damn fucking damn grocery store!"
~~Darcy's passion outlasted her vocabulary.

"You hell-yeahed my Jim Jones joke?"
~~Sarah probes for clarification.

"Bang-up job of parking!"
~~Is this good news or bad?

Sarah: "Storms make me want to do crazy things."
Heather: "Oh, you wait till it frogs!"
~~I waited and waited ...

"There's this dove outside, going all like 'Cooo.'
I'm like, shut up, dove, quit making fun of me."
~~Heather falls in love.

"It needs a face. Boink, boink, shoomp."
~~Heather creates life.

"What is that? A pineapple? A bomb? A dust bunny? Lettuce? What is it?"
~~Heather cleans out the fridge.

"That's a weird mailman."
~~Heather tells it like it is.

"It was during the first third of second grade."
~~No wonder Sarah never learned fractions.

"You sent us a link to masturbate for peace dot org.
I assumed it was rhetorical."
~~Heather finally answers her e-mail.

Sarah: "I walked three miles today."
Stacie: "I stood three miles today."
~~Stacie tops that.

"Nnnnnnipple McGoo!"
~~Heather knows her damn sports trivia, okay?

"Eleven. I mean, yellow."
~~When Jerry and Heather play trivia games, how does one of them win?

Heather: "You can't have a shark in a vineyard. It'll drown."
Jerry: "Good point, sweetie."
~~Heather manages to find some problem with every kind of pet Jerry suggests.

Yeah, I'm tired of pasting font tags now. Live with the silver.

"You can't hatch out a litter of angels in a box behind your stove."
~~Heather shoots down another pet idea.

"You could tell them you were dyslexic and you thought it was a yag bar."
~~Dad tries to help.

"... but the Republicans will never have enough initiative to get an elephant!"
~~The inevitable conclusion to a comment that begins with "Hear me out!"

"Okay, you make me some green ice cream. I'm going to glue the pepperoni to my pizza."
~~We know gourmet.

"Hey! Get off my beard! Don't pivot on the cornflake!"
~~Sarah is understandably indignant.

"I'm like a fucking Olympian. I swear, I would be SO good at sports."
~~Heather parallel parks.

"I'll kiss girls till I'm gay as shit, if that's what it takes!"
~~Heather applies for a job.

"Oh! It's the good kind. It's the reg ... meg ... schklitzt."
~~Heather fails to exhibit brand loyalty.

"I'm going to keep keeping Hubbard in the house in my heart."
~~Heather tries to recover.

"In a situation like this, when I haven't eaten,
and I haven't had my medication, and I sort of had to take a shower with a spider ..."
~~Darcy sort of starts the day.

"Just some random consonants and an 'i'."
~~Heather writes her paper.

"How much martian ... margarin ..."
~~Heather approximately cooks.

"She's, like, older than me, or my age, or younger than me ....
That's the impression I get."
~~Those are the impressions Heather gets.

"Which pair of chromosomes is necessary for recessive inheritance? Homozygous.
Because ... homo ... recessive ... homosexual ... closeted ... been there. Got it."
~~Sary, master of the gay mnemonics.

"More than as much as we already had is how much more we have now."
~~Heather runs for treasurer.

"It looks like six. 'Cause it IS g'zicks."
~~Heather explains.

"And the EIGHT! Is not quite the 9, but it's more than the seven."
~~Heather's pretty enthusiastic about math.

"... and I still get a cold chill every time I reach over and -- well, it's the freezer."
~~Heather's ghost story ends abruptly.

"On my geology quiz before last, I got a 73, and on my last one, I got a 100, and on the one before those two,
I got an 86, and before that I got a 103. It's just, some rocks are harder than others."
~~There's a rock-and-a-hard-place caption that belongs here, but I can't quite find it.

"I just fell out of your pants."
~~Stacie comes out of nowhere.

"They can't even finish their sentences, until, like ...."
~~Heather almost diverts attention from her own shortcomings.

~~Stacie says, "Fuck!"

"I have this whooshy-whooshy fid -- fid -- heading."
~~Heather ... maybe boasts?

"What's that word you do to voters? Not excommunicated ... not expatriated ...
not disqualified ... not discontinued ... not exiled ... not extradited ... not disavowed ..."
~~Back when there were literacy tests, Heather totally would have been disenfranchised.

"That's crazy talk! Or, leaf. That's crazy leaf!"
~Sarah rides shotgun.

Sarah: "I hope your day gets better, sweetie!"
Stacie: "Huh! Watch me get FIVE spiral perms!"
~~On her? I wouldn't even go with one spiral perm.

"Me are Jerry aren't even doing Christmas this year.
Well, we're doing it for each other, but we're not doing it for anybody else."
~~Heather and Jerry save money and sentiment.

"Sometimes I see people, and I don't know what the hell they are or what they would do."
~~The rest of the time, she doesn't see them at all.

"I ain't coming a beChristian this morning!"
~~Sarah laxes to the reRadio.

"I can see you in a graveyard with a spatula."
~~Darcy ... uh ... cooks?

"How do you manage to kill yourself every time you're in my bed?"
~~Stacie sees dead people.

"I have to put my seat back and shit where it was."
~~Now Darcy has an accident on a number of different levels!

"You always look gay, 'cause your skin's so pale!"
~~Heather doesn't stereotype.

"It's like I put green gum in my hair and mixed it all around."
~~Darcy puts green gum in her hair and mixes it all around.

"And I'm just envisioning an entirely different pad and crack!"
~~Darcy closes her eyes.

"She's a pot salesman."
~~Heather knows the lingo.

"I wonder if oil and water mix."
~~Sarah exhibits her lack of cooking/life skills.

"The other day, I'd been working on Spanish verbs for so long that I looked at my Gore-Lieberman poster
and thought Lieberman was a third-person plural."
~~She also thought Tobias was a second-person singular.

"We're coordinized. Canated."
~~But coordinated, not so much.

"I'm afraid I've done so wrong with my checkbook that they're not gonna let me be a grown-up."
~~Sarah doesn't strike a balance.

"Early Books:
1. Chapbooks
2. Horn Books
3. Nathanial Hawthorne"
~~My lit professor makes a list.

"Now. I just have to schedule history to repeat every seven days."
~~We've got all kinds of sentence construction here. Does it repeat every seven days?
Does it repeat every seven days? Does she have to schedule it every seven days?

"It's got to be four *credible* witnesses. Wouldn't the fact that they were watching you have sex discredit them?"
~~Well, I'm no lawyer, but she might be right.

"There's this part that really pissed me, that I can't -- off -- that really pissed me off -- pissing -- me off that I can't -- It's really pissing me off that I can't find this part."
~~Stacie's never going to find that part.

"I clocked my little things together. Ankles."
~~Sarah takes off her shoes.

"Nope, my arm's just on my teeth."
~~Stacie finds a new way to brush.

"You know how it says Lot's wife looked over her shoulder and turned to salt? I asked my brother-in-law, what kind of salt? Was it table salt or road salt? I mean, could you make ice cream out of her?"
~~Dave gets spiritual.

"I've got to ride Stuff tomorrow. 'Cause I won't ride Oscar Tuesday. I mean, I probably won't ride Stuff tomorrow. Er, I will ride Stuff tomorrow. Because I won't ride Oscar Tuesday. I mean, I will ride Oscar Tuesday. So, I'll ride Oscar tomorrow. I mean, Stuff."
~~Sarah starts to see the value of a one-horse town.

"Heather said something great yesterday, but I didn't write it down, 'cause I didn't have a car, and it wasn't yesterday, it was the day before yesterday, and we were in the car, and I didn't have a pen."
~~Sarah is light-years from remembering what Heather actually said.

"Let's play And Hide Seek."
~~Stacie's not lysdexic.

"If they can invent a gun that beeps and vibrates instead of banging, surely they can make it not kick."
~~Sarah and Stacie re-invent either handguns or pagers.

"If I'm butch, I must be gay man butch."
~~Sarah defends her pigtails.

"Number one: I'm not stupid. And the third thing ..."
~~Sarah proves the other guy's point.

Heather: "It was in the parking lot of Murphy's, which is where Big Lots is now."
Sarah: "Which is where what is now?"
Heather: "Big Lots."
Sarah: "Right. Heck's was where ..."
Heather: "Not Farm and Fleet ..."
Sarah: "Angler's Roost is now."
Heather: "Yeah, Angler's Roost."
Sarah: "Farm and Fleet used to be there."
Heather: "Right after Heck's, it was L.A. Joe."
Sarah: "Was there ever an Ames there?"
Heather: "No, Ames was where Peebles is now."
Sarah: "Where's Peebles?"
Heather: "It's in ... well ... it's in what used to be the Foodland parking lot."
"Our economy is so bad!"
~~Heather and Sarah shop around.

"NBC is often."
~~Heather says, NBC is awesome.

"This is hard. Okay -- ONE . . . 2, 3, 4!"
~~Heather tries to count her blessings.

Heather: "This is complicated."
Sarah: "What?"
Heather: "The number system."
~~Heather fails to count her blessings.

"It's two o'fucking morning."
~~Sarah deletes a few of those pesky syllables.

"I'm fat. Pay attention to me."
~~Darcy seeks the sympathy vote.

"Me too. NOT, I too want to create a loophole in campaign finance reform
to allow undisclosed contributions by Stealth Pacs. They can BITE me too."
~~They can bite Heather, too.

"Whatever. My story ran out."
~~Darcy masters the dramatic ending.

"My head thing hurts -- brain."
~~Heather learns about Russia.

"It's so great! It's like, every time I go, I'm like, I should come here more often!'"
~~Heather describes class.

"Eat sand - stay alive.
Oh, eat five and stay alive."
~~Heather believes everything she reads.

"Comic sans."
~~Sarah types 'President.'

"I got crap all over my thing, so I'm leaving it. My little piece of stuff. My what."
~~Heather didn't really need it, anyway.

"Fight Bad Tobacco, Big Air, and Christmas."
~~Sarah reads a billboard that says 'Fight Big Tobacco, Bad Air, and Athsma.'

"You can have any letter of the alphabet except i period."
~~Heather thinks that 'i period' is a letter of the alphabet.

"Monkey Boy, yacking -- it starts in half an hour."
~~Sarah anticipates the State of the Union.

Sarah: "Did he say Ducky Farm Policy?"
Heather: "Prob'ly."
~~Heather and Sarah watch the State of the Union.

"WAA -- his little Spock ears start to glow --"
~~Heather recognizes the State of the Union warning signs.

"If there was a God, he wouldn't be near. He lives in SPACE."
~~Heather analyzes the State of the Union.

"Almost all the snow's almost all gone already."
~~And that's all there is to say.

"You can't just do something and then do something else."
~~Heather schedules.

"And I'll emailing you and let you know what I'm done."
~~Sarah approximates.

Sarah: "... the warm, pillowy flatbread ... I can't get off that metaphor. Simile. Is that a metaphor or a simile? 'Cause you're not really saying the flatbread IS a pillow, but you're not using 'like' or 'as'."
Heather: "It's a metaphor. If you said the flatbread was LIKE a pillow, that would be a simile."
Sarah: "But I thought a metaphor would be like you're saying the flatbread IS a pillow."
Heather: "Oh. Pillowy is just an adjective."
~~Heather and Sarah spend THAT MUCH TIME on a conversation about flatbread.

"I point thatted out, too!"
~~Heather briefly feels superior.

"I don't know what to be instructions. Do. Write."
~~Sarah never gets there.

"Isn't it funny that words are, like, not ... how they are?"
~~Heather unintentionally sums up my website.

"'Has anyone ever told you you could be a m-' and she's like 'yeah, yeah, yeah' '-ermaid?'"
~~Heather's going home alone again.

"You can't just sit there indefinitely hoping you won't have to nod."
~~Sarah gently lets Heather know that the stack of books sitting on her head is noticible.

"Why don't we just inject people with mosquitos?"
~~Heather protests itchy fabric.

"Oh, your classes just stop at the end of Thursday."
~~Heather thinks I have class until midnight.

"'Onomatopoeic' should be, like -- 'soundy'."
~~Sounds logical, doesn't it?

"I'm not allowed to bronze my Hobbit-child."
~~Heather takes a Tolkein parenting class.

"... the mountain's best mix of the eight ... the eighties ... Yeah .... I forgot the rest of the word."
~~Jennifer the Daysleeper really ought to get more sleep at night.

"... and I'd like to say congratulations to our two kids to kids consumer recessiants ... You know ... that was supposed to be 'computer recipients."
~~Jennifer replaces computers with disgruntled shoppers.

"You don't THE request something!"
~~Jennifer juggles articles.

"You can stuffle the green ones."
~~Jennifer juggles playing cards.

"I sound like I just opened my brain and let my head rattle."
~~Jennifer just opens her brain and lets her head rattle.

"This time of hour. This time of night. Morning."
~~Jennifer stands by her listeners till the a.m. at the expense of her coherence.

Sarah: "So, let's say you have a .0005% chance of winning the lottery. So buying a ticket only increases your chances by .0005%."
Heather: "Might as well save your money and hope for the best."
~~Heather plays to lose.

"I think the book was due in the morning!"
~~Heather and the author of her textbook approach finals the same way.

Sarah: "Can you be SO abysmal?"
Heather: "I don't know if you can be. You might as well be just abysmal."
~~Heather helps Sarah find her self-concept.

Heather: "It was Arkansas."
Sarah: "And some time's passed since then."
Heather: "Not in Arkansas."
~~Heather and Sarah discuss Clinton politics.

"What is gopher bark? And then anyway what is gopher barky barky?"
~~Heather challenges Sunday School.

"I can't believe this road ... is like ... where we live."
~~Heather takes it in stride.

"My food wore off."
~~Sarah gets hungry.

Heather: "Do you ever find yourself trying to paraphrase, and you just can't?"
Sarah: "Yeah ... you think you've paraphrased, and then you look at it, and ..."
Heather: "The author's already put it into the best words."
Sarah: "Yeah; I'm always sort of proud of myself when I do that."
Heather: "I'm always proud of the author."
~~Heather and Sarah exhibit vast differences in their self-concepts.

"I didn't mean to call the Statue of Liberty a tiny speck of Earth culture ..."
~~Heather takes another step toward becoming less alien and more human.

"Oh my GOD! Well, I guess that was her point. But, I mean, jesus!"
~~Sarah is reeling from the religious-stranger-on-the-bus phenomenon.

"I mean ... can you believe we live in a world where ... I'm typing a paper, and there's a little cat hanging out on my screen ... we live in the future!"
~~Heather types a history paper.

"I've always wanted a cat the size of a housefly."
~~Heather embraces the future.

"I'm just going to leave it open, so I can hear the door if it rings."
~~Sarah never gives up hope that one day the door will ring.

"They would thirst to death ... if that's a word."
~~The grocery store patron forgets what words are.

"I'm not winking; one of my eyes fell shut."
~~Heather survives finals.

Sarah: "My own personal power went out."
Heather: "And one of my eyes fell shut."
~~Heather snatches back the spotlight.

"Regularily ..."
~~Sarah gets off to a bad start.

"No, I can see. I can still function. Just people look at me strangely."
~~Heather's eye trouble continues.

"I wonder if just the same word ... rhymes ... with each other."
~~Heahter abruptly stops being an English major.

"Platt, as in Oliver, rhymes with all your AT things."
~~Sarah tries to help.

"The 6 -- the pretend 6 -- was on the wrong side, and then the words were upside down."
~~Heather encounters a 9.

"Are you sure you can't breathe?"
~~Stacie becomes the life of the funeral.

"I love peroxide. Like, I could live in peroxide. Because it's so cheap, it'd be so much cheaper to live in peroxide than a freakin' house."
~~Stacie, logic. Logic, Stacie.

"The first simple titled one truly he is found today positioned in the Not. 2 of the list of Radio of Mexico being imposed to all the themes that fight the Top 5 in this end of year and being directed quickly al coveted Not. 1."
~~The online translator tries to ruin Heather's life.

"If we had an iguana, and some kind of gelatinous animal ..."
~~Heather wants the fish to have siblings.

"Give a girl an alarm clock, and she'll sleep for six hours. Teach a girl how to build an alarm clock, and she'll stay up all night, building an alarm clock."
~~Heather makes it modern. And stupid.

"So, when you move forward while you walk, your feet push up against the ground and the ground pushes up against your foot and pushes forward when you push back on it which accelerates you to move forward."
~~My science classmate pushes the envelope.

"Monday and Friday are the beginning and end of the week, and they're five days apart. Well, four. It's the same thing, in a way."
~~Heather is always right.

Heather: "I never ... wait, yeah I did."
Sarah: "Me neither."
~~Sarah tries to be agreeable.

"I'm going to sit here and see if I can find National Public Radio on the television.
Or, the radio."
~~Heather tries to find her program, wherever, really.

"That la la la ... and dandelions ... you know."
~~Heather has a favorite song, but she doesn't know what it is.

"We're gonna file our asses off!"
~~Heather crash diets.

"Argentina students delay 60% more that time necessary to complete a car."
~~Heather translates text from Spanish.

"Carrera! Not Carro! I wasn't even looking!"
~~Sarah helps Heather with her Spanish homework.

"The English department is doing fine. Except they're teaching way too much literature. And not enough math."
~~Heather perhaps blames the wrong source.

"If it's an odd number, it's an odd number; if it's an even number, it's an even number; and I can't change that by going to the bathroom."
~~Sarah grapples with limitations.

"John and Jackedy Kennie ..."
~~Sarah shoots respect to hell.

"Like ... pretend these are two posters of John F. Kennedy."
~~Sarah holds up two filthy socks.

"Gravity is working against me.
Of course ... I'm standing on my head."
~~Heather gains perspective.

"I guess sometimes bad things happen to smart people, but ..."
~~Heather demonstrates her false sense of security while driving.

"I wish I was still wearing the underwear I had on yesterday ... plain, white, no lyrics ..."
~~Curse those musical underwear!

"Hair is useful."
~~Heather argues with the barber.

"We need some more garbage bags at the house, 'cause we've been recycling, and that's bad."
~~Sarah destroys Earth.

"There should be stricter regulations on buying swords."
~~Heather makes the world safe for democracy.

"It's all commas and therefores and thusses."
~~Sarah describes exactly what's wrong with a certain religion.

"If you wait till I scrub my potato, I'll counsel you."
~~Heather gets her priorities straight.

"See, I totally understand that. I just need a little boost. And the little boost I need is to see the answers beforehand."
~~Sarah tries to reason, but the uptight professor just doesn't listen.

"Can you tell I didn't rob you? I mean, can you not tell that I did rob you?"
~~Sarah quibbles over details.

"Although, if my experiment in not peeing is unsuccessful, I'll have already peed, I guess."
~~Sarah takes an odd approach to science.
Special Section: College Math
"I have eighty 20s here. Wow. That would be nice. Eighty dollars in 20s. If I had eighty 20s, that would be, what? $160? Or, more than that."
~~Oh, yeah. I can handle my cash.

Heather: "So, how long do these take?"
Sarah: "45 minutes."
Heather: "Okay, it's 20 after 9."
Sarah: "So ... They'll be done at 65 after 9."
~~Sarah dreads 10.

"Okay, this isn't exactly about math, but if Cosmic Chocolates ..."
~~Heather officially becomes the brains of the operation.

"I know what 6 + 7 is. It's ... wait. Yeah. It's 13."
~~Heather boasts.

"I want to make sure our pizza's the right number of crisp."
~~It's Sarah's turn in the kitchen.

"It's between one and more than one!"
~~Heather argues with plurals.

"Your total is two-twenty-seven ... eight."
~~Stacie describes $22.78.

"She's known her since she was five. Er, no, she is five. Fifteen months!"
~~Jennifer guesses her daughter's age.

"It's not just a quarter game. He plays for hundreds of money!"
~~Stacie defends gambling.

"It's two twenty-sunday."
~~Sunday, 2:27 a.m. -- Sarah tells time.

"Well, honey, it's three o'clock -- four -- seven."
~~3:47 a.m. -- Stacie tells time.

"Yeah, but she's on the young end of five. Actually, she's not
five yet. So, she's on the really young end of five."
~~Sarah grabs at straws.

"I like to call it a week and a half."
~~Heather describes eight days.

"I'd like to go to a dance, but I don't have ten buckets."
~~Sarah's subconscious mind acknowledges that she spends lots of bucks on buckets.

"You can't divide a gallon by eleven cents!"
~~Sarah does algebra.

"So, if you can get a gallon for 89 cents ..... then you can get 8.09 gallons for 11 cents.
Well, that's a way better deal."
~~Heather does algebra.

"It'd be, like -- a 45.50eth of a ton."
~~Heather does more algebra.

"Because 14 weeks is only seven times as much as twice as much as one week."
~~Heather makes it bearable.

"And then Thursday I only have ... wait. I have a nine-thirty to twelve-fifteen, and then a ... wait. It must be a nine-thirty to eleven-forty-five ... wait. "
~~Heather waits.

"These omelets are so much better than the cheesy eggs of yestersemester."
~~Heather learns the meaning of 'unfortunate rhyme'.

"Our garage door was hooked up backwards. I was wet, and I was changin' the oil in the car ..."
~~Every great story should start this way.

"How do you spell 'even'?"
~~Heather majors in communications.

"All the floors have mouses with wristrests."
~~Sarah puts rodents to good use.

"I figured out how to make a little spaceman come out and eat the things I don't want."
~~Heather lies.

"I couldn't remember how many ohs came after the colon in ... one o'clock."
~~Sarah stays awake entirely too long.

"Mrs. What's-her-face. What the hell was her face?"
~~Heather reminisces.

"We've been awake, probably, less than two minutes, and already we're discussing putting rum in chocolate syrup."
~~Heather marvels at ourselves.

Sarah: "I'm going to stick a quarter to the wall over here."
Heather: "Dude, it's so not fair that you have stic-tac."
~~Heather and Sarah get some work done.

"Next time I have to pee -- you go."
~~Heather delegates.

"It's not that bad! Look around! .... Wait. I'm in a closet."
~~Sarah's optimism slips a notch.

"Bite me -- bite me -- bite me -- bite me -- and then die."
~~Heather calmly disposes of the problem.

"Representatives gather at a spessicifistic place and time ..."
~~Sarah describes caucuses.

"Oh, look! It folds up into a thing! And you can put it!"
~~Heather once again exhibits her eloquence.

"I don't know where everything is in the silverwear caddy, 'cause I usually just get it from [the drainer]; So I couldn't find the butter."
~~Stacie, once again, enters the kitchen.

Sarah: "It's Friday the 13th!"
Stacie: "I know! That's when I realized it, when I looked at my speeding ticket!"
~~Stacie proves a superstition.

"Maybe they're on a however-many-day-long-it's-been-since-you've-heard-from-them spiritual journey."
~~Stacie tries to help.

"Knock on wickerwork."
~~Say 10 times fast.

"I forgot I had a cup in my mouth."
~~Stacie's hand becomes a mouth.

"The dishes are full of sink!"
~~Sarah does housework.

"I already put the fandow in the win!"
~~Stacie does housework.

"I've spent many a day wearing milk carton shoes!"
~~Stacie grows up during the Depression.

"Oh, and I learned a very interesting ... well, it's not a fact ..."
~~Stacie spreads the gossip.

Sarah: "Does this mean that Toby thinks he's sexy?"
Stacie: "He thought so much, he became sexy!"
~~Stacie overestimates the power of will.

Sarah: "He must think we're little kids!"
Stacie: "We probably are!"
~~Stacie shrinks.

"Whoa! They turned off that church as we drove past!"
~~Sarah feels unwelcome.

"You have no right to swing that, when am as tired am I is."
~~Stacie brings the point home.

"No. Maybe. Possibly. Yes, actually."
~~Sarah talks it through.

"That's not a throat lozenge. I don't care."
~~Heather heads up a drug task force.

"So. This is a ding dong."
~~Heather rings for service.

"Broke another hackamore.
(Started snaffle training.)"
~~April 11, 1999, entry in my riding journal.

"If I can't open the door, what's the point of having a key? 'Cept ... I can open my top door."
~~Heather learns to differentiate between the hall door and her room door.

"It's like -- the other day, I couldn't remember the difference between cow and Satan."
~~Sarah runs full-speed into a language barrier.

"It's impossible that we're here, and we have spoons and shit. It's just highly unlikely."
~~Heather proves the existence of extraterrestrial life.

"For five minutes of my life, I thought the plural of 'car' was 'cattle'."
~~Sarah thinks West.

"If my heart were beating that fast, I'd be a bunny."
~~Heather tries to hook herself up to the VCR."

"If it were me, I'd be on the slow computer in the little secret database room."
~~Sarah watches The X-Files and drinks from her half-empty glass.

"Grades can't be low enough to kill a person!"
~~Heather achieves happiness.

Sarah: "You're an English major! You don't have to have a high GPA every semester! In fact, you're supposed to be stoned!"
Heather: "I wish I was! I wish I was stoned! ... I wish I were stoned."
~~Heather reaffirms her predestined path in life.

"Why would you use your crayon time to draw school?!"
~~Sarah is in college, but that's often hard to believe.

"You can't hide behind a tree when you're surrounded! That's the saddest thing I've ever heard!"
~~Heather sympathizes with fugitives.

"I'm going to do a load of laundry! I need to do a load of laundry! In fact -- I'm going to do a load of laundry!"
~~Sarah campaigns for dorm presidency.

"Gummi bears. There's been an incident."
~~Heather calls for back-up.

"Word games are a blast when you're dead."
~~Sarah consoles the terminally-ill.

"When it comes to men, I figure we need at least one, or we wouldn't have Mulder."
~~Darcy reasons.

"How do you spell computer science?"
~~Heather schedules.

Special Section: Election 200
That was supposed to read 2000, but since this is Vocab from Hell, I let the typo stand
"The tickets are proof of how Democratic and good we tried to be ... before the car decided to vote Republican."
~~Sarah explains the difficulty getting to the Democratic rally on the capitol steps.

Sarah: "Let's go on our mission!"
Heather: "Should we put on costumes first?"
Sarah: "Absolutely!"
~~Heather and Sarah continue to search for a way to make it to the rally.

"Wouldn't it be awful if they said Bush had California, and then they said 'no' and then they said 'yes' and then they said 'no'
and then at like noon tomorrow night ..."
~~Heather makes a rather spooky prediction at about 8 p.m. on November 7.

"Now, no politician likes to lose. But when you lose to a man that has died in a plane crash, that's got to hurt!"
~~The news anchor tries to make Ashcroft feel better.

"I think we should re-evaluate the TV being off, 'cause the remote control was confusing. Perhaps the VCR should have come on."
~~Heather attempts to turn off CNN after 48 hours of election coverage.

"Mr. Gore ought to do the right and honorable thing, as Nixon did ..."
~~Pat Buchanan almost makes me pee myself.

"We hereby deem California: On the east coast."
~~Heather tries to split the country in two without losing Hollywood to Texas.

"She should have to be a citizen of ... well, at least the world!"
~~Heather protests Katherine Harris.

"They were like, 'Bite me, you Nazi bitch!'"
~~Heather analyzes the intent of the Florida Supreme Court ruling.

"I only ate one candidate today.
One more and we don't have a President."
~~Heather discovers an alternative to democratic elections.

"If you were a cat, you could be a barn horse."
~~Stacie tries to help.

"I wish I was a blue man's wife."
~~Stacie gets dreamy.

"For a shitty day, it's been a damn good day."
~~Stacie's glass is both half empty and half full.

"I wish I was the zoom-zoom boy."
~~Stacie finds direction in life.

Sarah: "You left out 'tired'."
Stacie: "No, I said it. But I forgot where I put it in. So I left it out."
Sarah: "So, in other words ... you didn't say it?"
Stacie: "Out loud!"
~~Stacie finally thinks before she speaks.

"The only other thing I can think of is Fweeb."
~~Jerry is out of options.

"I didn't realize that was there until, like, I was there."
~~Stacie runs into the doorframe.

Jerry: "Do it!"
Heather: "Will it blow up if I do?"
Jerry: ". . . No?"
~~Jerry exudes confidence.

" ... because Marilyn is a growing and edible child."
~~Sarah is a concerned but hungry aunt.

"If you blend your sheet and my shirt together, it'd be my fingernails."
~~Stacie takes a potions class.

"Latoosha and Glydia?"
"No, Latoosha would PLAY Thumb Reader."
~~Heather and Jerry get into it.

Jerry: "Did you light those incense?"
Heather: "I thought YOU lote those incense."
~~Heather and Jerry discover their house is haunted, but somehow it's just not scary.

"Which means you're not only a cat person . . . you're a dog killer."
~~Jerry tries to be accepting.

"The English language is fucked up. It's fly and then flown and flow and flowed.
So if people have flowed, I mean, if people flow, then they've flowed, and if people fly then they have flown, so why isn't sny snown?"
~~Stacie wonders why snowed isn't snown.

"That was just some creasy, greepy guy."
~~Sarah attempts an insult.

"A well-insulated wild Western blind drunk bird with jet lag lives in a tree outside my window."
~~Stacie learns who her neighbors are.

Stacie: "Our house is haunted ..."
Sarah: "... by a weird bird and ..."
Stacie: "... popular music."
~~Stacie and Sarah get settled in.

"If it's crunchy after boiling it for so long, then it's bad.
'Cause when it gets old -- like, 10 years old -- I don't know;
that was just a guesstimate -- then you can't chew it,
'cause it's crunchy. Well, you can chew it. But it's crunchy."
~~Stacie prepares a meal.

"I have a more straightforward logicness."
~~Stacie boasts.

"It sounds right, 'cause you can add 'ick' to it."
~~Stacie applies said logic.

"They don't strike me as the kind of people to eat."
~~Stacie is picky and cannabalistic.

"I can. I don't know why I would. But I still am."
~~Stacie justifies her actions.

"I guess I just wanted to go right on red. But by the time I
went right on red, I was green!"
~~Stacie goes for it.

"I was about to think."
~~Stacie misses her chance.

"Well, it's time to get back in the car and wet my pants."
~~Now Sarah has an accident on a number of different levels.

"You know ... < burp >."
~~Stacie enlightens me.

"It was only a matter of time."
~~Sarah breaks yet another wristwatch while riding.

"Look how much up he goes so fastly."
~~Dad watches the sky.

"Wouldn't it be weird if we had a squirrel?"
~~Heather experiments with adjectives.

"Our lights are off. We're so stupid."
~~Heather gives up hope.

"Whoa! Heather has Wizard of Oz checks! Now my Sesame Street checks are just bleh!"
~~Stacie and Heather officially reach adulthood.

"I can't believe you remembered that zip code, as drunk as I am."
~~Heather blames herself.

"If we started a rum gum business, you could afford to have a whole closet full
of underwear that looks like two pairs of underwear."
~~Sarah props up the economy.

"I have to pee too. We can do that in our floor."
~~Heather has an accident on a number of different levels.

Sarah: "I wanna bowl."
Heather: "Fine! You can have a bowl!"
Sarah: "I want to bowl."
Heather. "Fine! You can bowl!"
~~Heather and Sarah interact as best they can.

"Being in Florida, I wouldn't accreditate it."
~~Heather blames vacationers.

"I wonder if most people are average?"
~~Heather lowers her standards.

"I wish everyone who ever gives me directions could be her."
~~Stacie finds a way.

"You should have been in my head when I thought of it!"
~~Heather shares her enthusiasm.

"The history of the English language is writing-intensive?"
~~Heather misuses a question mark.

"...and you know what? I have always been an impatient purple."
~~Sarah exibits a unique brand of self-deprecation.

"He's an Englishman, he's a vacuum cleaner, and he keeps disappearing."
~~Sarah sends out an APB.

"Please can I have the kerchief later?"
~~Heather bargains.

"My Flurry's McMelting!"
~~Darcy rushes through dinner.

"That'll happen when you tape a house together."
~~Heather, on home maintenance.

"Eating till I die is a small price to pay for $50."
~~Sarah visits the family.

"You know, I haven't slept with noodles forever."
~~Stacie swears off the culinary arts.

"We have too many Joshikinses."
~~Heather, on excessive fandom.

"Cassie, Brassy, Sassy ... there's too many assies!"
~~Sarah studies rhyming words.

"You can't just draw yourself and have you be there!"
~~Jennifer argues with cartoonists.

"For some reason, I can't spell 'MSNBC.'"
~~Sarah gives up.

"I had to be careful. I was afraid my head was going to fall off."
~Heather is on the verge of coming up with a new use for duct tape.

Heather: "Oh, god!"
Sarah: "What?"
Heather: ".... My eye just itched really bad. And it's late."
~~Aww. One of little Heather's very first all-nighters.

"You sent me a time-sensitive e-mail?
From there?!"
~~Heather sits next to Sarah in the computer lab.

"Then I've got to squint and lick my eye."
~~Heather courts the green party nomination.

"So, you forgot watches were detachable, then?"
~~Sarah probes for clarification.

"No! I just want to ooch something over, and make it be there!"
~~Heather accepts the responsibility of being the PR manager of a campus group.

"Okay, now, what?"
~~Heather begins the day.

"Oh, wait! I know! ... No, hang on."
~~Heather begins another day.

"If I nestle ..."
~~Heather begins a day I'd like to see end.

"I never thought about church before, but it's just ch -- UR -- ch."
~~Sarah gets spiritual.

"I love sending myselves notes.
Well, that was a Freudian slip."
~~Heather remembers things.

"Oh, the fucking camera thing is ... no. There's a limit."
~~Jerry discovers that he's out of film.

"You have to be grew that way."
~~Heather describes becoming a politician.

"The whole 'Person's name! Something!' I can hear that."
~~Heather visualizes.

"You startle them, and they fall right to sleep."
~~Matt describes goats.

"...an' if you ever saw it, you would even say it blows ..."
~~Marilyn sings Christmas carols.

"Somebody put the kitchen sink on the kid!"
~~Mom makes an accusation.

"The TV's not on the sink, Matty."
~~Jennifer takes a crack at interior decorating.

"I cleaned up in bees this Christmas."
~~Darcy describes the holidays.

"It's got a poobie in it!"
~~Darcy continues to describe the holidays.

"Will you hurl forth the pad?"
~~Max plays board games.

"It's as if she's removed her torso and set it on her lap. .... Which, in effect, she has."
~~Heather considers becoming a plastic surgeon.

"Darcy will kill me, and then she'll kill you, and then we'll both be sad."
~~Chas explains death to her 10-month-old son.

"I'd say that's just a temporary fix."
~~Heather describes a shotgun blast to the head.

"See how you're no good? You gotta change that."
~~Heather gives a pep talk.

"Pen and ink is like biscuits and gravy!"
~~PlaidMan, the gourmet.

"We only wanted these things that we wanted for you because we wanted them for you."
~~Heather's adaptaptation of a Lifetime Original Movie.

"Heather's adaptaptation of a Lifetime Original Movie."
~~Sarah adapts adaptation.

"I have two pairs of socks and eight socks that are the same color."
~~Sarah packs an overnight bag.

"If we had fish, we would, like, never do our homework."
~~Heather studies family planning.

"This can't be true. I ran out of words after only five."
~~Sarah composes her thesis.

"Mumps. Measles. Civics."
~~Dr. Bailey takes on the evils of the world.

"If it catches the sail, I'm just gonna go sailing backward. If it catches the wind. Wait, forward."
~~Sarah does her hair.

"The whole point of having red hair is -- well, you have to be a woman."
~~Darcy explains genetics.

"I am concentrating. I just want to face this way so I can watch 'The Simpsons' while I concentrate."
~~Heather raises her GPA.

"I think pigeons should feel like seals. If I ever get to touch a pigeon, I'm going to get it wet first."
~~Heather never misses an opportunity.

"Porn on a scouty website. The snafu tonight at 11."
~~The news guy gets rhythm.

"I'd be so pissed if I woke up in the morning."
~~Heather's sleeping in, and woe to those who try to stop her."

"Because you're in what field? The nitpicky field of the world!"
~~JMC Professor PlaidMan strikes again.

"I wish we were whizzing on our bikes."
~Sarah forgets about public restrooms.

"I can't wait for school to start. I don't want to think about ice cream anymore."
~Sarah officially reaches adulthood.

"I have a gun and a peacock."
~Darcy makes a threat.

"I need to ... learn ... everything."
~~Heather discovers the secret to college.

Heather: "When is that due?"
Sarah: "The Tuesday .. or Thursday .. or maybe Wednesday -- or some day after Labor Day. Or before Labor Day."
~~Sarah demonstrates her steel-trap mind.

"North can't change direction, can it?"
~Heather learns about the world.

"We sleep with our heads facing due north!"
~~Heather applies what she's learned.

~~That's just the best word in the world.

"Pausing only to run three miles, Sarah retired to the sofa."
~~Heather commentates.

"Pausing only to run three miles, Sarah retired to the sofa all covered with cheese."
~~Mom elaborates.

"We omit credit cards."
~~Professor PlaidMan makes a point.

"Let's call Mom 'Omby' and never tell her why."
~~And Heather wonders why Mom worries.

"Is there a happy medium with this chair, or does it just tip over backwards?"
~~Sarah takes a load off.

"In a minute, I was gonna go 'huh?'!"
~~Heather defends her conversational skills.

"I was afraid my Jack Daniels would explode in the car. So I put it in my backpack. And went to Religious Studies class."
~~Heather gets spiritual.

"That's grammatically incorrect. Somebody shouldn't've not've okayed that."
~~~~The pot calls the kettle black.

~~Heather asks the question, "Do what?"

"I think we would smell smoke, if anything were too terribly wrong."
~~Sarah wonders if they'll make it.

"That older lady with the -- not the shovel -- the stroller?"
~Heather points at pedestrians.

"I fixate on lapels."
~~Sarah, the fashion editor

"I should put my one of these on my thing and have my crap in it."
~~Heather articulates

"I didn't try to slide into the pole."
~~the dip on the talk show explains away a fiery car crash

"I keep finding new places where I forgot I set the lamp."
~~Heather considers a career in interior design

"They can't say their names in order!"
~~Heather, on student life.

"So, I'm sittin' on the toilet, and I'm reading my toothpaste ...."
~~Darcy relaxes with some good literature

"I like having a class with 'ABCs' in the title!"
~~Heather anticipates "The ABCs of Greek Orthodoxy"

"Hey, I've got Greeth Orkodoxy, too!"
~~Sarah anticipates "The ABCs of Greek Orthodoxy"

"It's like -- LAAAAAAA!"
~~Heather describes college

"We should duck into the Klumps."
~~Darcy and Sarah scare themselves

"Stupidity is knowing and can't being able to be taught."
~~swear to God, my JMC professor said it

"I go ahead and feel them, and then I realize I'm not made of mercury."
~~Heather considers a career in medicine.

"My head feels all empty and squishy."
~~Sarah describes her suspicion that there's bubble gum stuck to the inside of her skull

"I mean, I don't call you 'Sister Heather', and we're biologically related!
~~Sarah spills ketchup on herself at a gospel sing

For reference, see The Original "Vocabulary Words From Hell"

For further reading, see Susan's Can I Quote You On That?

Or for, whatever, cure for boredom, see a cute pony, go to The Dark Side of Tuffy's Mind